A Brief Reasoning: On the COVID-19 Vaccine

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

I recently came across some internet knowledge stating some people believe that the COVID-19 vaccine contains a microchip made by Bill Gates that can track and control us. The microchipped vaccine believers have expressed an anti-vaccine opinion and will most likely choose to forgo the vaccination. I found this surprising and alarming. My alarm is obviously about people not wanting a Bill Gates microchip, not in the microchip conspiracy itself.

Think about it. Bill Gates, a multi-billionaire, designs a microchip to implant into YOU! For starters, it should make you feel special that someone of that kind of financial magnitude has any interest in you at all. But my want, or rather need, for the vaccine goes well beyond that. The moment I am given a microchip through Bill Gates vaccine, I will have Bill Gates’s property inside me. It is only logical that Mr. Gates will invest in his property because he has the money and the means to do so. This means Bill Gates is going to invest in me. Will the vaccine work? Probably. He definitely won’t want me getting sick and dying from COVID-19 at the risk of wasting a lot of time and money providing me with the vaccine.

Image by chenspec from Pixabay

I am willing to bet that I will experience positive side effects from the microchip in the vaccine. Maybe my slipped disc in the lower region of my spine fixes itself. Maybe my terrible vision fully returns, allowing me to ditch my eyeglasses. The thought of not having glasses fog up while wearing a mask could be reason alone to take my chances getting the microchip vaccine. And yes, I prefer to be injected with a vaccine and potential microchip than wear contacts.

And what does the world look like in the future once his microchip vaccines are in full force? Well, that’s a simple vision to see (especially after getting the vaccine and receiving perfect sight). At some point, those who think there is a microchip in the vaccine will be able to prove one exists in the vaccine. They will think they made the smart decision not to get vaccinated and act all smug and self-righteous. Then they will demand microchips be removed from everyone because of privacy issues or for some other faulty injustice they think they are trying to balance. However, the joke (and not a funny one) will be on them because, to reiterate, those who are vaccinated are Bill Gates’s investments that have his property inside of them. At the same time the microchip is proven to exist within the vaccinated, all those who were vaccinated will reach their full potential. The vaccinated collective will do everything in their power, which will then include all the advantages given to them by their microchips, to protect their microchips; those vaccinated will be much stronger than those who are not vaccinated. A war will break out. The vaccinated will destroy the unvaccinated and all the threats of microchip removal with them. The vaccinated/microchipped will go on living healthy, productive, PTSD-free lives, happily working the farm with their brand new Windows ME-VAX products.

When the time comes for me to get the vaccine, I know what side of the war I’ll be on (the winning side, of course). Do you?

Author’s Note: This post is part of my “A Brief Reasoning” series in which I use my knowledge and instinct in the form of a hasty stream of consciousness to draw conclusions on topics relating to conspiracy theories. If you would like me to briefly reason one of your favorite conspiracy theories, leave a request in the comments or send me an email!

A Quarantined Book Release Party

I want to preface this post by acknowledging that a lot of people, a lot of families are struggling and suffering in terms of physical and mental health and finances due to the COVID19 outbreak. This post is in no way meant to be a “woe is me–I couldn’t do the thing I want to do” kind of thing. On the same note, I do believe we can complain and sit in our own self-pity about whatever we want. Our lives are constantly affected in new ways and I do my fair share of complaining these days, especially about the country’s toilet paper situation.

But no complaints here. This post is a “thank you,” a tribute, an acclamation to my wife.

Any fantasy I’ve ever had about releasing a book and throwing myself a party to promote and announce the work (but most importantly, to receive pats on the back and congratulatory nonsense from friends and family because hey, I did this and I’m allowed to be thrilled about it) died on March 13. That was the day the state of Michigan started promoting staying at home, and it was eleven days before my book was set to be released. Should I change the date? I thought about it for a little while but decided I didn’t want to do that. Too much time and energy and late nights and editing and revising and creating had gone into getting it ready for that date. The release was already delayed a few times for technical reasons. I was sticking with March 24 knowing that none of my fantasies about the launch would be realized.

And trust me, I’m a dreamer, so I have fantasies about everything. I imagined all of it: the miraculous sale of millions of copies of my book; #1 spots at the top of best-selling lists; the dreamt-about-too-many-times instant contract with Disney to turn my work into an animated short or feature film; and a friendly invitation to appear for a guest spot on Sesame Street. None of those things were going to happen, you know, because of COVID19 (and only because of COVID19, right?).

But something I never imagined took place instead: I got a surprise book release party with my wife and my kids.

I knew my wife had something in the works when she ordered me to spend an hour or two away from her and the kids and quarantined me in another part of the house (which I have to admit was nice in and of itself since alone time for any of us is rare these days). But I didn’t know exactly what they were up to until the big reveal that night.

What I didn’t know is that something greater than anything I imagined was going to take place.

When I was called to the basement for the big surprise, my kids jumped out of their hiding spot (after I pretended not to see them hiding under a desk, of course). They were wearing purple shirts, the same color Flora wears in my book, Moon Puppets. And they taped yellow cut-out stars to their shirts to make them look even more like Flora. I couldn’t believe it. Not only were they just as enthusiastic as I was, but the fact that they left the paper stars on and didn’t destroy them right away (the younger one lost hers while dancing a little later) and were genuinely excited to wear and show them made me feel better than any contract with Disney could have made me feel. So I felt emotionally richer, obviously not financially richer, okay? Let’s not kid ourselves.

My wife hung banners that she made with the kids to celebrate the release of the book. And she baked chocolate chip cookies to represent the moon and made star-shaped grape Jell-O cutouts.

“She’d use the cookies as the moon and the Jell-O as the sky. Her first attempt proved scrumptious, I gave both of them a try!”
That’s for all you Moon Puppets fans out there!

Then my older daughter presented me with a gift. When I opened the box I found a small pipe cleaner model of Flora herself. I couldn’t believe that she made the fragile little doll. It made me so proud to see that she was inspired by something I created to create her own special thing. The moment captured the true essence of the whole self-publishing process for me: create something positive and put it out there without fear of judgement.

I mean look at this! The kid doesn’t even know what Etsy is!

I couldn’t believe the detail to their party, it didn’t matter that no one else was there, that I wasn’t sharing the moment with more people, strangers even. It mattered to my family, to my wife, to make sure I got a book release party for my first book. A party so good, I’m not sure I deserved it.